Do you feel that you often think to your own detriment? Personally, overthinking is my middle name. Of course, there is nothing wrong with thinking itself – the mind is one of our greatest tools in life as human beings.

Sometimes I can buy into the idea, for whatever reason, that there must be something fundamentally wrong with me (LIE), something to ‘figure out’. Why does my mind feel like such a mess? Surely there’s a reason…

At times, my relationship to my own mind has felt like an intense battle, a deep struggle. In the past I have overthink-ed myself to such extreme levels of exhaustion that I’ve had breakdowns and break-ups, with very few breakthroughs. The trouble with this obsessive-compulsive mode of thinking is that a ‘breakthrough’ always feels just within reach. Really, it is like a carrot on a stick. An illusion of certainty.

This quest for the carrot on the stick is much like trying to touch the end of a rainbow – when we arrive we find that the goalpost has moved. However, many times our efforts only increase along with our urgency to ‘figure something out’, and this cycle can become addicting – especially when fear is the driver. Addicting to the point where we may neglect our own needs and exhaust ourselves in the pursuit of an impossible task: to solve a problem which doesn’t exist.

It is completely understandable that in those moments of desperation we truly believe that if we could just ‘figure it out’ (whatever it is) then we could fix what needs to be fixed and everything would fall perfectly into place. Ah, wouldn’t that be nice. I don’t think it would be… The truth is actually far more liberating. The truth that there is nothing wrong and nothing to figure out in the first place. You are not broken. In fact, you are already exactly who you need to be, and you always have been. What we truly yearn for is not to pick ourselves apart, but rather to return to our innate wholeness that we have always been and can embody in any moment. Not to resist our minds and be at war with them, but to use them wisely – and know when they are using us.

This idea that there is something wrong with us in the first place, in need of fixing, is a complete illusion – often perpetuated by the self-help epidemic. It completely disregards a fundamental truth that existence itself cannot be anything other than perfect. To assume that there is something wrong with existence itself and its marvellous unfolding surely means the Ego is speaking. It is only the separate Ego which looks for what’s wrong. That’s its function. To assess threats and stay safe. It is not your enemy, nor something to fight against. Alan Watts likened it to the radar on a ship that scans for danger, a troubleshooter. It is an extraordinarily valuable tool for our survival. But just like any tool, it can help us build something and it can also be used to beat ourselves (or others) over the head. In this way, it is not the tool that is problematic (i.e. the thinking mind) but simply our relationship to it. A great servant, but a lousy master, remember.

I saw a great quote this year that said, “overthinking is under-feeling”. This resonated with me at a deep level. Too often I try to apply my thinking mind to matters that it has no business in. Matters of the heart, of feeling, of simply being in the present moment. The mind will always be there to help me solve problems, but not everything is a problem to be solved. I am certainly not a problem to be solved. You are not a problem to be solved!

Beyond the mind, I have come to remember that there is a present moment waiting to be felt and engaged with. Just to be here, having a human experience, embracing the mystery and feeling into it with a depth of presence that goes far beyond the “what’s wrong and how can I fix it?” paradigm which had become my default.

Learning to feel my feelings has been the doorway into this place. Understanding that beneath many of my irrational thoughts are simply feelings waiting to be felt, and when it doesn’t feel safe to feel those feelings, naturally I will over-intellectualise and try to think my way to a place of peace. In my experience feeling truly is the language of the soul. It is how we deepen and widen our experience of ourselves and life. It is how we hear our deepest truths and neutralise anxiety, which I believe to be a messenger of those truths when gone unanswered for too long.

In the next post I will talk about how I have begun to hold space for my thoughts and feelings, and how by giving them loving attention rather than resistance, I’ve begun to feel more whole and peaceful within. More present and joyful.

JL